MY SPILLED CUP OF TEA.

If I'm so attached to the past is because the future doesn't offer me anything better. Everything has been bumps. As fast as they arrived, they left. When you have nothing, you can only wait. You can't dream about something you don't know. Reality is always one step ahead, on your heels. Life is a constant learning experience, and I know I'll die without having understood anything.

Revenge. Why is everybody looking for revenge? Why cannot people solve all their problems talking? Why everybody thinks that shout somebody, hurt somebody is the best solution? Why to scare someone is better than asking for explanations? Forgiveness is the best solution, we can't expect to solve a problem hurting someone, we are all human. We all make mistakes. We've all done something stupid without realizing it, and when we wanted to fix it was too late. Revenge won't lead us to serenity, won't lead us to justice, won't lead us to anything. Things won't be solved with revenge, only will worsen.

You don't understand me, you can't understand me. I've been so much time with this pain inside, don't even try to fix me. It all started a few years ago, many comments which attacked me, oh I repeat you guys, it's not your fault.  I'm against myself.  You only hurt me with your argues, your conclusions... I'm alright, I can only be saved by myself. I know I'm driving without control, in a way with many drivers, is just that I can't stop right now. Too many times hidding myself, trying to be the good girl you always wanted to be, I'm not like them, I'm just unfixable.

Everything's changing. Makeup wont change myself. I don't wanna be her, I'm sick of overthink. I see my reflection wherever I go. I know some people feels as I do. I know how I came in, but I don't know how to come out. Pain is growing, fear is holding me. So many fights inside I can't deal with. I'm just writing some feelings, to try to bring them down. I'm not looking for compassion, I don't hope you to understand me. Trying to expel  my demons, writing to relieve.

And although it was hard to admit, she missed him. Occasionally he went through her head, all those memories, and that end. She was convinced that he didn't care, that didn't hurt ... how wrong she was. Every memory was digging thorns in her heart. And what hurts the most was thinking that she wouldn't have been so important for him. This wall that she  had built wasn't so tough as she thought.   Out of sight, out of mind. But what if he wasn't still out? Maybe she wasn't ready to say goodbye.  You still hurt me. And you'll hurt for a while.

I know I always say that lonelyness is underrated, but now I need by a hand be hold. Wherever I look I see couples and I ask myself what am I doing wrong. I don't really want a shoulder to mourn my sorrows, I'm just wondering why everyone feels better when they have found their soul mate, in my opinion we just get carried away by convictions. Maybe this feeling of belonging make us stronger, fight for someone, not being alone...